Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu: BEST END, BAD END
June 5, 2006
lolikitsune’s comments on Episode 8(I think) of Full Yuri Panic (Strawberry Panic) a few days ago got me thinking about what would happen if anime were made into ero-games and there were multiple endings you could get, from worst to best. So while on the bus home today, I sketched out what would happen in my universe for Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuuutsu’s Best and Bad ends… (The ones marked with * can be swapped from good to bad end depending on your tastes in the matter in question)
1. Haruhigasm H the Hentai OVA is announced to the joy and approval of fanboys everywhere.
2. Haruhi gets bored and decides that she is gay, which unwittingly results in the surfacing of long repressed girl/girl loving in the population and a decrease in the sales of Viagra.
*3. Kyon’s sister accidentally, tragically is horribly dismembered in an unfortunate encounter with a hedge trimmer.
*4. Itsuki is accidentally, tragically murdered in an incident involving an ice pick, a chainsaw, three nuns and Yuki’s entire book collection
5. Haruhi’s molestation of Mikuru suddenly escalates into full yuri rape, which results in Mikuru’s return to her future hot scientist self, who immediately falls in love with Haruhi. Hijinks ensue.
6. KyoAni finally realise that the episode shuffling was a BAD IDEA. In retribution, Season 2 is shown backwards a la Memento.
7. Lol-tan dies
*1. Haruhi gets into yaoi and orders Itsuki to instruct Kyon in the many ways of man-loving. itsuki obliges. Hijinks ensue.
2. Mikuru turns out to be a 40 year old fat, balding paedophile with a well stacked loli female avatar. THERE ARE NO GIRLS ON TEH INTARTIMEWEB – N00B.
*3. Kyon’s sister is repeatedly raped by all the characters in the show including the 50 year old History teacher and the talking cat.
4. KyoAni announces that the second season will be the full 15000 episodes long and they will be keeping the shuffling. (Cue – Haruhi: “Next time on Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu Episode 9473”. Kyon: “CHIGGGAAAAUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!”)
5. Every other episode is Yuki reading chapters from the book she is currently reading from her list of 100 favourite books, while soothing Japanese music plays in the background.
6. Lol-tan dies.